Remember back to when you took your child or children to their first day of school. Did they cry because you were going to leave them in a strange place with people they did not know? It was an unfamiliar place and was different from their normal routine. Did they cry and beg you not to leave them?
How many of you once you dropped your child off for their first day of school learned that they were fine, happy and playing with new friends once they calmed down and you were out of sight?
Is taking your parent or parents to an adult day center every day or moving them into an assisted living center or nursing home any different? It is not what they know. It is a change in their routine, a break from what is familiar. Naturally, they are going to say no they do not want to go.
When we made the decision to place my grandmother into a nursing home years ago, we fretted over that decision. Weighed the good and bad, figured our finances and realized that we all needed our income to survive. We could not afford for any of us to quit our jobs and stay home with her. It was one of our family’s most stressful decisions.
Naturally, my grandmother did not want to give up her independence or her home. However, we discovered a week later that she was happier than she had been in a long time. She thrived under all the attention the nursing home staff showed her.
When she lived with us, she was alone all day, until someone came home from work. She was from the generation that never learned to drive so she didn’t go anywhere unless someone drove her. Oh my goodness! I think back on it now and realize she must have been so lonely.
But she thrived once she went to the nursing home. There were people to care for her every need and talk with her all day, every day.
We were stunned at the transformation. If we had known she was going to adapt so well it would have made things less stressful. But we didn’t know and you won’t either. But just maybe, just like your child on their first day of school you parent will do just fine.
So if you are struggling with the decision to place one or both of your parents in a long term care community, know that you are not alone. Yes, it will be a difficult decision. And yes, you will do a lot of soul-searching. But in the end, it could be the right decision.